I was abducted by aliens. What’s your excuse?

A sentiment suitable for all occasions, available on t-shirts and other stuff at my shop at CafePress.

To thine own clone be true

There are times I wish I had a clone of myself. (Forget the inconvenient fact that it would have to be grown from a baby to an adult and would not be able to act for me for 20 years or so – let’s pretend I could have one that would instantly be a duplicate of me.) It would be so nice to have the clone do the things that I don’t have time to do or don’t want to do.

Of course, if I don’t want to do something, my clone, being a duplicate of me, wouldn’t want to do it either. So we would have two of us not doing the thing that needs to be done.

And since we would both like the same things, we might wind up competing against one another for stuff. Or for people – what if my best friend hung out with my clone more than with me? Or mom liked my clone best?

Worst of all, what if we started arguing about which of us was the real me? I mean, I would know that I was, but my clone would probably really believe that she was the original. And then there’s the whole issue of using a clone for spare parts. What if it was the clone that needed an organ from me?

*sigh* I guess it would just be too complicated after all. And – oh dear – I just had another thought. What if I didn’t like my clone? Now that’s a scary thought.

In case of emergency, don’t expect me to be of any help

I always have the best intentions, I really do, but I’m just not good in emergencies. So please don’t have an emergency when I’m around. Thank you.

If you relate to this sentiment, I have put it on t-shirts and other stuff at my shop at CafePress.

Let the dust bunnies prevail

I am not a good housekeeper. I have no problem admitting it. I would rather spend my time creating designs and doing other stuff than cleaning a house that only starts getting dirty again the minute I am finished. In spite of this I do manage to keep up with the basics of dusting and sweeping and vacuuming and such. But the nooks and crannies of my home do not bear inspection. I confess that in those dark places even the dust has dust on it, and the cat fur is no doubt present in enough quantity to make a whole ‘nother cat or two. And as far as spider webs are concerned, I have simply given up and let the spiders live in peace.

One more confession; I have let an army of dust bunnies breed to deal with that pesky monster under the bed. And I haven’t seen him for years now, so it must be working.

Caffeine fiends

I hold a most lonely position in the world – I do not drink coffee. Everyone I know consumes it, at home, at work, out in the world. Some of them can’t function without it. So, in honor of all of you caffeine consumers, I have created a bunch of coffee designs and put them on t-shirts, mugs and other stuff.

Caffeine Loading

Insert coffee before assigning work

Must Have Coffee

I’ll start working as soon as the coffee does

How do you know when you are thinking outside the box?

When people refer to “thinking outside the box”, what do they mean? What box are they talking about? Who decides which box one should think outside of? If you are inside the box, are you aware of being inside it? If you are outside, is it possible to *not* think outside the box? How big is the box, anyway? And how far do you have to go to get your thinking outside it? What if you are in a different box than the one someone is telling you to think outside of? Wouldn’t you be thinking outside their box but inside yours? Will people recognize that you are thinking outside the box, or will they not even notice? What if your box is older or newer than someone else’s box? What if all the boxes are so close together that there is no room between them? Do you wind up thinking inside someone else’s box if you think outside yours? And who put all those darn boxes there anyway?

My fairy godmother is broken

Well, she’s just not working properly any more, and I don’t know where to get her fixed. Time to trade her in for a new one, I guess.

“My fairy godmother is broken” is available on t-shirts and other stuff at my shop at CafePress.

I also have more fairy godmother designs in the Riffs section of my shop.

Upgraded version

I’m always trying to improve myself, and hopefully the me that I am now is a better version than I used to be. For those of you who also think of yourselves as “upgraded”, I have put this on t-shirts and other stuff at my shop at CafePress.

Wacky optimism

Now I am all for optimism — in fact, I often go a bit overboard with it, often to the exasperation of the people I hang around with. But sometimes mis-placed, wacky optimism is just downright silly.

For example: Optimism is pushing the elevator button and expecting the elevator to come. But how often have you seen someone push the button, wait a couple of minutes, and then push it several more times? Do they really think that will make the elevator come faster? Do they think the elevator will skip all the other floors and come to them, or that it will somehow move faster, just because they pushed the button again? That is wacky optimism. (At least in my opinion. But then again, maybe they are right and it does come faster. But I really don’t think so.)

Here’s another one: Person A is trying to say something to Person B who doesn’t understand Person A’s language. Person B shrugs, indicating they don’t understand. Person A repeats themself, saying it louder and louder. Do they think that Person B will suddenly understand a language that they didn’t understand a minute ago, just because Person A said it louder? Wacky optimism again.

Didn’t someone once say that doing something the same way you’ve been doing something and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity? I just think it’s wacky optimism. But, hey, I do a lot of that myself, so I’d rather think it isn’t insanity!

(And by the way, creating this blog and thinking people will come and read it and comment on it and come back again might be considered wacky optimism. But I’d rather think of it as just plain optimism.)

So what wacky optimistic things do you do, or have you seen other people doing?

Help stimulate the economy – buy me a present!

With all this talk of recession and the economy and getting things moving in the right direction again, it seems obvious to me what the solution is. Buy presents.

On behalf of the health of the economy, I will accept any and all presents. I gladly perform this sacrifice to help the nation and everyone in it get back into a healthy, strong, prosperous state. And if you are willing to make the sacrifice as well, let people know by wearing this message on a t-shirt from my shop at CafePress.